Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
