We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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