Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
