I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
