I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
