The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
