All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
