he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
