So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
