I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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