If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
