Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
