i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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