thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
