you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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