You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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