Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
