i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
