I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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