i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
