She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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