HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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