careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
