Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Jerry, you need to find god
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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