Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
