Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
