i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
