Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
