you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
