i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize