my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize