I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
