I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
