next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
