who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
