I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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