giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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