The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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