I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
