You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
