Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
