look no pants
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
