drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
