Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
