what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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