its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
