What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
