honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
