Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
