he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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