Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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