Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
