he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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