sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
