Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
