if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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