TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize