he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
