He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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