when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
