i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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