She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize