My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
