She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
