I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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