He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
