You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize