weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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