No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
