I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
