I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
