And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
