when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
